I realized something in my reading and meditations tonight: I am disobedient to Christ Jesus the Lord. It dawned on me, or perhaps more like the Lord Jesus revealed to me, that to be totally healed, I must first obey. I must forgive my enemies and pray for them. I must commit my life, my possessions, my resources to Him, solely. Most of all I must repent of my disobedience to Him and to my authorities who are in Him.
How I have hardened my heart! How I have given my mind to such poison that the Devil fights tooth and claw for that foothold! I must love the Lord with all my mind as well. I must choose Him and not the world.
How odious I will be to those perishing in disobedience! What a stench of death I shall bring to every family gathering and relationship not in Christ! My uncle's motto is in the likeness of Sinatra's mantra, "I did it my way."
But we are called to be "fishers of men", or in other words, soul-winners for Christ. We are to love them to the Lord Jesus. Let me never be ashamed of Christ Jesus as my Lord Saviour through His atoning sacrifice at the Cross of Calvary. Let me follow in His footsteps. Forgive me for the denial of Jesus as Lord in my past and present, O Lord, and help me to stand for you in times of testing. Help me to stand, after having done everything. Though they strike me down, though they ridicule me, YOU have my soul. So unto you, I commit my spirit. Let me make a difference for the people you send me to. Let me love them in You, and bring them the Good News.
I let go of my opinons. They are of little consequence in comparison to the Truth of Christ. I let go of my time. It is of little use to me or others right now, but you can make a joyful harvest out of some sorrowed sowing of seeds. I let go of my future. What good is it to me? If I write that book or should I ever win a prize, what good will that do me if it does not bring You glory first and always, and if it doesn't lead souls to Christ? I give up my possessions. People seem to think that this is crazy. Yes, it is hard, but not crazy--just hard. So I shall walk around like the stench of death to those perishing. For they know in the witness You are about to do through me that they are wilfull and wrong and sinful, just as I have been, and perhaps will struggle for a bit to be yet. O Lord, let me never despise a man/woman/child for their unrighteousness, knowing that I have been saved by your lovingkindness and eternal patience. Your Arm is not too short to save, and by Your Right Arm, You perform many wondrous deeds.
Do not let me fall into sin again, or again and again. Let me do a 360 and be renewed by Your Spirit. Let me stand steadfastly, fearlessly proclaiming the Gospel of Christ as taught by Your Holy Scriptures. Let me be a prayer warrior. Someone called this sort of uncompromising, unbending, unwavering stand "strident". I think this was Satan's scheme to unnerve and unseat me. It was so subtle I almost missed it, after all, it was from an intellectual. I see that there is no "commonalities" or ecuneumical "finer" points to bridge the gap between those who call upon You narrowly and exclusively and those who don't. There is no bridge between those who will go to Heaven and those who will go to Hell. What do light and darkness have in common?
We all know this. None of us dare to admit it because of the spirit of the world at work in us. We want to have both: to play with worldly fire and retain fire insurance. Some of us make up doctrines that are not taught by Christ or the apostles. Some of us believe what we want to believe. This is foolishness. Truth is outside of us in the Person of Christ. There is no such thing as agnostic or atheist. There are simply the rebellious and the obedient.
So let us throw off everything that hinders us, the things that weigh us down with encumberances, and run the race with Christ as our Prize. Let us look heavenward and leave behind us the sins that so easily entangles, and go foward. Someone once called me a "pilgrim" pejoratively, as though if he put enough effort into it, I'd find it an insult and perhaps lose self-esteem, faith, whatever, and then he'd win. I bear the mark of the cross willingly, though having yet to be tested, and bear the name "pilgrim" with much gladness, for ever since I could remember, I have never felt at ease in this world. I am a pilgrim looking eagerly for the Heavenly City, whose foundation and architect is God, and whom I shall see one day when I have finished the race and fought the good fight, be it tomorrow or forty years from now. In the meanwhile, I study His Word and let the Holy Spirit transform me, winning souls to Christ, witnessing faithfully, living uncompromisingly, and holding fast to what is true. May this all be so, In Christ's name, Amen.
